No Country for Ajusshi: A Short Drama About My Naivete

CAST OF CHARACTERS
Sarah: A naive, single woman in her early 20’s
Austin: A quick-witted man in his early 20’s
Dianna: A spunky woman in her early 30’s
Ajusshi: A middle-aged Korean man, single and ready to mingle

SCENE I
The ground floor of Home Plus in Chilgok, South Korea.

SARAH and DIANNA stand in a grocery aisle with a cart full of their purchases: bedding, tailored pants, winter coats, hangers, soju, chips, candy. They look tired from their afternoon of shopping. Austin is in a different aisle, pacing back and forth, wondering what soju to add to his spoils.

An older Korean man, the AJUSSHI, approaches SARAH.

Ajusshi: Where are you from? Americans?

Sarah: Yes, we’re from the United States.

Ajusshi: Which part?

Sarah: I’m from Colorado.

Ajusshi: I know Colorado! They have professional baseball team, yes?

Sarah: Uh…probably. I don’t really know sports. Baseball? They probably have professional baseball…I don’t really know.

Ajusshi: [guffaws] You don’t know!

Dianna: I’m from Wisconsin.

Ajusshi: Oh! Oh! Yes, yes. Wisconsin. I think I know Wisconsin, too.

[All smile and nod, like ya do.]

Ajusshi: [to Sarah] How long have you been in Korea?

Sarah: About three, four weeks now.

Ajusshi: Are you single or married?

Sarah: …Uh, um, single? [Looks at DIANNA uncertainly.]

DIANNA shakes her head “no.”

AUSTIN approaches the shopping cart.

Ajusshi: Do you have a boyfriend? [He looks at AUSTIN.]

SARAH blinks at AUSTIN.

AUSTIN blinks at SARAH.

SARAH blinks at DIANNA.

The AJUSSHI blinks at SARAH.

Sarah: Uh, yes. Yes, boyfriend. [She points at AUSTIN.]

Austin: I’m her boyfriend.

Ajusshi: Ah! Oh, yes. Wonderful! Wonderful. [Quickly exits stage left.]

Sarah: [to DIANNA and AUSTIN] I’m the worst at lying when I actually should.

Dianna: Yes, you are. [laughs] And you’re flushed.

SCENE 2
On a bench at Gumi Station, shopping bags lined up at their feet.

Austin: Well, Sarah, I hate to say it, but I think I’m going to have to break it off.

Sarah: How could you do this! Our love only just began.

Austin: I just feel used, you know?

Sarah: But you were there. You were there! When I needed you most!

Dianna: [on the edge of her seat] I feel like I’m watching a K-drama!

Austin: You can go on without me. We just don’t need each other anymore.

Sarah: You’re right. But, Austin?

Austin: Yes, Sarah?

Sarah: Thank you. I’ve learned so much through this relationship. The next time an ajusshi tries to pick me up, I now know what to say.

Austin: What’s that?

Sarah: “Yes. Yes! I have a boyfriend. He’s in the military. We have couples’ outfits and everything, so it’s very serious.”

[Both gaze off into the sunset.]

Dianna: [clapping and wiping tears from her eyes] Atta’ girl! Atta’ girl!

THE END

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